Where Is God In Depression?

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
He delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:17-18

I was fifteen years old when I moved from a small, close-knit school into one of the “elite” high-schools in my country.

As it was a prestigious school, the pressure was high — we had to constantly prove our worth of being in said school by constant tests and mini-exams throughout the year, and it wasn’t long before I fell behind. With the constant stress of tests, I soon started to develop stomach knots before going to school. Even sooner, these “knots” turned into intense stomach pain that were so painful, I started to have a legitimate fear of going to school every morning.

One day, the pain was so intense during Math class, I was escorted to the nurse’s office where they called my father, who immediately brought me to the hospital emergency room. I remember being in the nurses office, looking at out the window, waiting for my dad to arrive. I saw all my peers, laughing, having fun during lunch break, and all I could think was, What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be normal like them?

Later at the hospital, I was put through an endoscopy and various other tests to see what was the issue with my stomach, and long story short… my stomach was completely fine. The doctor told my parents that the pain was all “in my head”, and told me to try to relax because stress can cause stomach pain.

I knew something was very wrong, though.

My classmates were stressed over school too, but somehow this stress seemed to affect me more. Or rather; I had a harder time dealing with it than the others. I continued on, but within three months of attending this new school I became a shell of a person, and I couldn’t recognise myself. I stopped all school activities. I stopped socialising. I stopped playing my guitar. I felt numb most of the time, and my appetite plummeted and I lost a lot of weight, so much so I was accused to also having an eating disorder (I didn’t.) The stomach pain was still there, daily, but I had learned to ignore it.

One day, I was reading the school newspaper after school in my bedroom. There was an article on depression and it listed the twelve tell-tale signs that someone is clinically depressed. As I read, I realised that I had eleven of those symptoms, except the last one: “thoughts or attempts of suicide”.

Little did I know that those thoughts would come soon. I showed the article to my mom later that day and told her: “I need to go see someone”.

One week later, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder by a psychiatrist.

***

As tough as that experience was for me, I believe God allowed that period of my life so I can truly understand, empathise and help others who may be facing the same trials. Whether you’re a young teen, a young mother, a grown woman, it doesn’t matter. Depression doesn’t discriminate.

I believe too, that depression is not only a mental battle but a spiritual battle as well. I’ve heard it being called depression because it is “demonic oppression” and I have to agree — in fact, I can’t think of a better description of depression. And whatever the cause of your depression, I believe the “cure” will be the same.

As this is a spiritual battle, not just a mental one; we must use spiritual weapons as well. You must also remember that God has not abandoned you. He is there in your mental anguish and suffering, He is still in control and He is with you.

For me, it took a little over two years, but today, my depression and anxiety disorders — yes, plural — are long gone. I am no psychologist, but as someone who has been there and knows what you’re going through, allow me to offer some thoughts on overcoming depression.

***

At my lowest moment after I got my diagnosis, I was in my bedroom one night where I was being attacked with horrific suicidal thoughts from the enemy.

Suddenly, something nudged me to read my Bible, which was high up on my bookshelf. I had not looked at my Bible for many years — I did not grow up in a Christian home, but I became a Christian after my mother did at around eight years old. Though I believed in Jesus, I did not have a personal relationship with Him. But that night I felt a strong pull to get up and read my Bible. I took my Bible from the bookshelf, and fell to the ground and started sobbing. I remember looking at the cover and crying, “God, what did I ever do to deserve this?”

Then I opened it randomly.

As it was a teen-focused Bible, it had various, cute little illustrations and large highlighted text at the corner of some of the pages. Choking through tears, I opened it and Isaiah 58:9 was highlighted in big and bold in blue letters:

“You will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I.”

I froze. Was God speaking to me? I closed the Bible again. It’s just a coincidence, I told myself. I decided to “test” it again. I looked at my Bible cover and said “God, was that you? If it was, please speak to me again.”

I opened the Bible randomly again. It opened to another highlighted verse, Isaiah 46:4:

“I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

It was then I felt an outpouring of love onto my head and shoulders, through my whole body, and I knew then that the Lord was right there with me. I flipped the pages and then, the last thing He told me that night, another highlighted verse popped up:

“My righteousness draws near speedily, my salvation is on the way.”

The next day, my mother came into my bedroom and said, “I spoke with your father, we’re taking you out of school for awhile”. To say I felt relief would be the understatement of the century. From then on, though it was not easy, I was on the road to recovery and I knew God was right there, alongside me. And I will forever speak of that experience as proof of the existence of God. This is my testimony.

***

It seems like today, most young people battle with depression and anxiety. I am not surprised. Just look at what they are surrounded with daily: Music, movies, TV shows and social media glamourise sin, drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, murder, vanity, rebellion, adultery, occultism, witchcraft… just to name a few.

And though it was once subtle, there is no hiding demonic imagery anymore. Hell is portrayed as one big party. Apparel brands release things like “Satan shoes” with drops of blood in them. Musicians do occult rituals and blast the word “Satan” on screen at their concerts. Movies and TV shows are filled with constant sex scenes, with immoral characters, plots, storylines. When one is surrounded by and even entertained by such evil, one should not be surprised that you are then directly affected by it — after all, this is how demonic activity enters into our lives and cause havoc.

Likewise, practices such as yoga, meditation, crystals, manifesting, sage cleansing, chanting, horoscopes and whatever else is presented as “self-care” today and are so mainstream that even Christians today are being deceived by it. These things, I believe, is one of the major roots of depression.

The Bible is clear that we are not to have anything to do with this: “… Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead” (Deuteronomy 18:10-11). 1 Thessalonians 5:22 further tells us to “abstain from every form of evil”, and James 4:7 teaches to instead “submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

What, then, should we be consuming? I reckon Phillipians 4:8 is a good place to start: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things”, because it’s of utmost importance to guard your hearts: “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

***

One day during my recovery I felt a strong desire to clean my bedroom. As a messy teenager, I can tell you I’ve never had that desire before. But every time I entered my bedroom, there was a weird feeling in my room; like someone was pressing down on your shoulders, someone was watching me. It was the worst at night. I thought it was just my depression, but one day, I felt an urgent nudge to especially look to the top shelf of my wardrobe, and I was confused as to why I needed to look into there. From what I could remember, it was full of junk I didn’t need and didn’t bother to throw out yet.

But when I dug into that top shelf, I was appalled.

In this shelf, there were a stack of horror books I used to read, and one book cover in particular was especially terrifying. I found books on ghosts, paranormal activity, aliens and other dark, supernatural things I was curious about as a kid that no Christian (or anyone, really) should have anything to do with.

Secular advice would tell you to do a “sage burning” to drive out evil spirits or “bad energy” from a room/house. And they are correct in that there are evil spirits present, but ultimately, sage is useless. We fight the enemy by the only thing he fears, the greatest power in the world: Jesus Christ. I destroyed everything I found, prayed and renounced it all, and soon found that I didn’t have that weird feeling upon entering my room anymore.

If you’re suffering from depression, look at what you are consuming. What is entering your mind, your spirit, your home? Anything that glorifies evil and sin should be destroyed immediately. Stop watching or consuming ungodly shows. Unfollow anything/one on social media who glorifies and promote evil and sin, vanity, rebellion. You are giving the enemy and unclean spirits an easy access point to enter into your life. Ephesians 5:11 says: “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.”

Abstain from every form of evil, destroy any form of it where you dwell, and then pray over your surroundings. (You can find several great home cleansing prayers online.)

Spiritual warfare is mainly fought through prayer, and I believe depression is spiritual warfare, so ask everyone to pray for you. Ask your church group, prayer group, parents and friends to pray, as we are to carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).

I had a lot of wonderful ladies in church praying for me and I too prayed, so talk to God as well. Ask for complete healing of your depression. He hears all and is mighty to save! Pray, pray, pray, dear sister. Cover yourself with prayer.

What truly helped me during my years of depression and anxiety was also a church counsellor. I met with my counsellor for about two years, and she not only listened to me — truly listened to me — but asked questions to see what the root cause of my depression was.

With her clever questions, constant prayer and empathetic and kind nature, she “pulled” out of me what was going in my heart. She also lovingly prayed for me each time, and my soul felt lifted and so encouraged after each session with her. (Her office was also the cutest, most comfiest place, too, which made me want to go back. That can’t be a coincidence!) I looked forward to seeing her every week, so I strongly suggest visiting a solid, qualified church counsellor during this time. Get help, friend. Don’t suffer alone.

In hindsight, I also feel like I could’ve gotten better much, faster, if I had stopped staying in my room, in bed all day, wallowing and giving into my depression. Simply put: things would’ve probably been better if I got up and got moving — in particular, in nature. Nature, creation, His Creation, is incredibly healing.

Some days though, I know that it can be very tough to even get out of bed. I remember the mental and physical exhaustion, heaviness, depression can bring. But on the days you are able to, get out in the sun, pray, make sure the sun shines on your skin, look at the trees and take in nature. Go for walks — better yet, go for prayer walks. Exercise is highly beneficial for mental health, and if you don’t have much energy for much else, walking is great exercise.

***

Removing evil influence from your life, getting plugged in with a godly counsellor, prayerfully seek God and get out in nature; these things healed me. And yes, despite what others may say, your brain isn’t “different” and you just have to accept you’ll always be this way. You can heal. I am a living testimony that depression can be completely healed; and I give all the glory to God.

God can heal you too, if you let Him. God is there, even if you feel He isn’t, and He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). I know many people in my life, from young and old, who suffer from depression but it is not dealt with in a spiritual way, so they have been suffering for years, decades even.

Seek the Lord, allow Him to heal you, for He says: “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13), and in the words of Jesus Christ:

“Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28).