The Single Years

When I tell people I was single for seven years before I met my husband, I usually receive audibly gasps.

Seven whole years?! 

And then, almost always, it’d be followed by, What did you do during those seven years? The better question, though, is what didn’t I do? Those years were some of the best of my life, years I will cherish forever!

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I remember being in church one evening at the ripe old age of twenty-six, and the topic on relationships came up within the group.

At that point, I had started wondering what my future would be like. I knew I wanted to be married and have children someday, but it didn’t seem like it was happening. After being inspired by the discussion we had, I decided that it was time to fully surrender whatever plan I had for my life. I prayed, “Your will be done Lord, not mine”, and I wholeheartedly meant it. I was ready to be single forever if that was God’s plan for me.

Several months later, I was meeting with my church mentor and she said, “I’ve been praying for you and this verse (she points to Psalm 37:4 in her opened Bible) came to me: ‘Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give the desires of your heart.’”

Then she added: “I think a big change is coming into your life soon!”

Sure enough, four months later, I met my future husband, and exactly a year after my mentor told me that, I was a married woman — much to the surprise of everyone, even myself!

In His infinite knowledge, God knows what you need, when you need it. He knows you better than you could ever know yourself. His timing is always perfect — trust that He is working in you in the meantime.

And even if you don’t get called into marriage and having a family, then I sincerely hope that you will still surrender this to the Lord, being content with the life He has blessed you with and trusting that He knows ultimately what is best for you.

There is a lot to do in your season of singleness. Working on your faith and finding out if you are truly in the faith is of utmost importance. As a Christian woman, you should be marrying a Christian man and spiritually be on the same page (2 Corinthians 6:14).

In being a woman of God, I believe we should always be examining ourselves. We ought to be reading the Word. Attending church. We ought to be serving the Lord. Reading the gospels. Praying. Worshiping Jesus. Destroying the sin in your life. Working on our salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). In the longing of finding “a good Christian guy”, we should be the type of Christian woman a Christian man is looking for, too.

Getting heavily involved in church is what I started off with. Not only do you draw closer to God, you become part of the church community, make new friends… you might even meet your future husband there. Some of the most fun moments of my life have been serving the Lord. From leading Bible study to being co-chair of our Young Adults camp, to doing graphic design for the communications team and sharing my testimony on stage (!), it was all so joyful. I highly, highly encourage you to get plugged in with your local church community and start serving somewhere. So much of my personal maturity, communication skills, practical skills, relationships skills and more were learned in those times I was serving.

Whether you eventually get married or not, your single years is also a great time to spend time working on practical life skills. In fact, the earlier in life you start, the better. Skills such as cooking, baking, cleaning, managing finances, budgeting, time management, organising, driving, opening a bank account… the list goes on. These are important skills in our lives, married or not, and life would be much easier if you already start cultivating these skills early.

Your single years are a great time to work on yourself, too. Take note of bad habits, issues of your heart, not-so-great traits, on-going sin, and try to expel them. You probably already know the things you should work on, so write them down in a list and pray over each and every one of them. See how the Lord convicts you and start the heart work. Listen to the Holy Spirit, and grow as a person.

And if you long to be a mother someday, spend time with kids and offer to babysit whenever you can.

Before getting married, I babysat a sweet little eighteen-month old girl in my apartment block everyday for a few weeks. I had zero experience with babies, but my neighbour, a man I had never quite met before, was desperate for some help as his wife was going away. I was incredibly nervous — I hadn’t even a held a baby before — but I offered to help. And friends, those few weeks of babysitting was one of the best things I ever did as a single woman.

I knew this babysitting job was a gift from God. Not only did I get a “crash course” in taking care of babies, I completely fell in love with this little girl and it confirmed in my mind that all I really wanted to do is to be a stay-at-home mom.

If motherhood is your desire, start preparing for it. You can serve in the nursery at church or Sunday school. Offer to help a new mom — go to her home and let her have a nap while you watch the baby for a few hours. Offer to take the night shift for your sister’s or cousin’s baby. I am very sure these mothers, especially exhausted new moms, will greatly appreciate the help!

Most of all, don’t forget to have fun in your singleness. These are precious, precious years. The season of singleness is such a special, fun-filled, joyous period if you’re doing it right. Commit it to the Lord, and enjoy the life He has given you while you wait for the next chapter. God has a great plan for your life and future (Jeremiah 29:11) — all in His perfect timing.